During our marriage group meeting this past week, we decided to start a new series entitled Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. In the first part of this series, which is all we've watched so far, he set up a really interesting metaphor to help us to understand a basic communication barrier. The premise was that women hear through "pink headphones", see through "pink glasses" and talk though a "pink microphone" and men hear through "blue headphones", see through "blue glasses" and talk through "blue headphones". This metaphor was used to provide a "aha" for why what women and men say to each other can often be perceived differently. It seems so basic, yet so true. For example, a woman might say, "I have nothing to wear!" despite a full closet of clothes. To another woman, it's quite clear, right? Nothing looks good or fits that day! When a man says, "I have nothing to wear!"he generally means nothing is clean. Right there, we see how the same statement said by opposite sexes takes on two totally different meanings. Therefore, when a women makes that statement to a man, he looks at her like she's nuts! This is obviously just one very basic statement that can be made in a conversation. Imagine how many statements/conversations in one day result in "miscommunication"? And, it's not even our faults. It's just who we are and how we communicate! Perhaps if we all thought about this more often, we would be more sensitive to how we communicate to the opposite sex and realize that what we say may not be what is heard. Ultimately, our communication with the opposite sex could entail more clarification and understanding. What an idea!!
Love & Respect Live Marriage Conference: 7 Hours on DVD. Dir. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. 2005. DVD.
My comment to Sarah:
ReplyDeleteSarah,
As a parent who has both sexes, I try not to differ in my parenting based on the sex of the child; however, I can see how that could happen. Parents' communication toward sons and daughters often reflects the parents' gendered steriotypes (Wood, 166). Since boys are considered "tougher" and more masculine, it seems that parents are more lenient with them and don't impose rules that are as strict as for girls, who are thought to be more vulnerable. Parents, especially fathers, encourage in children what they perceive to be gender-appropriate behaviors, fostering more independence, competitiveness, and aggression in sons and more emotional expressiveness and gentleness in daughters (Bryan & Check, 200; Fivush, Brotman, Buckner & Goodman, 2000; Galvin, 2006). Of course, it is nice that your Dad was concerned about you. You are always going to be his "little girl" despite how old you are, right? I can understand how you'd be frustrated being treated different than your brother who is 5 years younger, although you're not the first and definitely won't be the last to experience this double standard. Hopefully, you can focus on the positive - having parents who care! :)